I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
