tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
