you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
