broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
