there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
