Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize