Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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