Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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