Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
