whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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