just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
