I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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