planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
