Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
