i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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