Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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