You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize