Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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