is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
