I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
