I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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