Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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