I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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