just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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