I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
