i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I hate all girls vehemently.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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