I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
