Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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