youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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