once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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