My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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