If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
