Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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