The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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