I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
did i just pee glitter
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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