he thought i was a dude.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
