he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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