I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
