i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
