: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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