You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize