You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
