did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
