She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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