i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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