I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
