i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
