I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Vodka?
Forever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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