So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
