Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
