Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
