yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
