i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
