I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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