I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
