I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
