You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
