ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
