I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
