I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
