the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
