I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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