We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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