Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
