He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
