Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
