hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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