You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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