I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
