Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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