so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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