I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
