If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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